the online journal of jordan e.

Good Times Great Oldies

posted by Jordan @ 4:16 em

10K Glamour

In case you were wondering, that isn't me. I'm not a man, I don't wear glasses and I luckily don't have a severe case of growling lockjaw. But the very act of running, which #226 seems to have mastered, is something I have in common with him. In June I'm running Grandma's Half Marathon with two friends from church. That's 13.1 miles along the north shore into the city of Duluth and over a painted line planted in Canal Park. The excitement of finishing this feat, gaining a new t-shirt and being able to eat a lot more than normal has kept me motivated to train (I'm currently up to five-mile zingers), but I've also heard the nitty gritty of marathon running. I've heard of the unsightly and very personal chaffing; I've heard of the freak run-by poopings; I've heard of the bus that comes and picks up people who are too slow.
These details concern me. I have calculated that one must run consistent miles under fourteen minutes to escape the menacing bus, which I fear I cannot keep when accounting for snack breaks, small talk with the crowd and bouts of tripping, falling and patching up of skinned limbs. Experts (people I know who run quite a bit) tell me that Vaseline is the preventative miracle jelly that keeps thighs, armpits and buttcracks from rubbing raw. Yet I'm not sure if I have so little shame as to publically scoop a handful of petroleum jelly and send it to my arse. Lastly, uncontrollable pooping is the usual cause of hysterical laughter for me (and the fate of our last dog, Wolfgang), but this time it hits a more personal chord and therefore not quite as funny. You see, I've already experienced a running poop nightmare when, while on a run, a recently eaten Goddess Bar (peanut-buttery-chocolate glob) made a mad descent southward. I was fortunately able to make a frantic pit-stop at a local Jubilee Foods, scooting past all produce into their dingy, "no unpaid merchandise past this point" facilities. A fine lesson learned.
Anyway, despite the anxieties, I'm trucking towards thirteen miles. This week the mileage will have totaled over seventeen. I'm practically a gladiator and I have hopes of having amazon thighs.

posted by Jordan @ 11:44 fm

Windows In
I am so intrigued by people. I'm intrigued by the shapes of their eyebrows, the last meal they ate, what, where and how they consider home, the words that spill naturally from their mouths and the stories under them. A certain giddiness rises up in me when I watch people, as if, by combining the scars on their hands, their curve of their posture and the last sentence they spoke, I am able to somehow piece together an outline of their life. I crave for bits of them to drop my way so I can daydream at their childhoods, their relationships with their wives and nicknames they might have for their best buddies. I am simply thrilled at the way people are so complex and so deeply interesting and I think that's why I like taking pictures of them so much. Glossy 4X6 prints never do justice at capturing who people are, but I have this deep desire to grab at least a small piece of what I see - to make it mine somehow.
I should start carrying around my camera permanently. I was taking a walk last week and stumbled across two ladies smoking behind a hair salon. They stood there conversing in a frenzied gab, sucking down Virginia Slims and kicking loose gravel with loafers. They were still wearing black smocks, hair tied up in tinfoil and chemical-lathered curlers and tucked under a plastic cap. Today I drove by a man walking behind the warehouses on Michigan Street. His face was worn and tired. He carried a plain, grey pigeon on his shoulder like it was the same as walking a golden retriever, as natural as holding a baby. At these moments, my eyes widen, my heart is overjoyed and my mind draws observations and churns biographies. I value these characters and scene as complete gems and am so delighted to be under such a creative God.

posted by Jordan @ 2:07 em

One more thing...
I came across this great website (www.gangstaname.com). You plug in your name and gender and it offers you an official gangster, mafia, taxi driver, pet and pirate name. You may now all begin calling me by my really pretty pet name: Poopy Nubblies. Use it like this, "Oh, Poopy Nubblies, I really like your pink sweater."

posted by Jordan @ 4:18 em

I concocted a little story in German. What follows is the translation as interpreted by AltaVista's Babelfish.

Auf Deutsch:
Es gab ein liebliches Maedchen, das Jordan Hiess. Dieses liebliches Maedchen hatte ein liebliches Auto. Das Auto war am meistens dunkel blau aber es hatte auch braun-rot Teilen. Deshalb war es ziemlich schoen. Es gab aber ein Problem. Das Auto fand warmes Wetter nicht gut. Es gab auch so das an diesem Tag war das Wetter fast 60 Grad und Jordan wollte nach Hause fahren. Sie fuhrt ein paar Milen und erreichte das riese Hill. Normalweise war ihr Bruder Jonah mit und koennte Jordan Ideen geben. An diesem Tag war Jordan ganz allein. Es war nur sie und ein Truck mit ein boeser Mann drin hinter ihres Auto. Der Mann hiess Victor und Victors lieblings Essen war Tieren. Tieren, die noch leben.Es war nicht eine lange Zeit bis Jordans Auto sterbt. Es war on Central Entrance in der Naehe von Burger King and Blockbuster. Jordan hatte nur 7 cents, deshalb koennte sie ein Whopper Junior nicht kaufen.Ungluecklichweise hat Victor die ganze Situation gesehen. Er wusste das Jordans Auto kaputt war und das sie ein sehr armes Maedchen war (sie hatte acid-washed Jeans und ein T-Shirt, das Forty and loving life! sagte an). Victor fuhrt seiner Truck neben Jordans schoenes Dodge Dynasty. Er sah boese aus.Gluecklicheweise, hatte Jordan ein Mobil. Zuerst rufte Jordan ihre Mitbewohnerin an. Aber Tiffanys Telefon war in ihre riese rote Haare verloren. Deshalb koennte Tiffany nicht mitsprechen. Dann hatte Jordan eine andere Idee. Jordan guckte in ihrem Auto. Sie sah die 7 cents, ein halbes Hula dancer und a Debbie Snack. Zuerst hat Jordan das Debbie Snack gegessen. Das Wax und Kakao gaben Jordan Energie. Dann schaute Jordan an der Hula dancer. Sie gab Jordan ein tanz Geist. Dann ist Jordan die 7 cents aus der Fenster geworfen. Bingo! Ein pfennig in Victors Nase gelandet ist und zwei in Victors Hals. Es war ausgezeichnet.Dann ist der Vater der Jordan in seines polizist Auto in der Naehe gefahren. Ihrer Vater, Todd, hatte alles unter Kontrolle. Todd hatte auch ein schrecklicher Schnurrbart (moustache). Victor wurde erschrocken und ist weg gefahren. Todd hatte auch 2 dollars, deshalb haben sie viele von Burger King gekauft und gegessen. Am Ende war alles schoen.
In English:
There was a lovely girl, who was called Jordan. This lovely girl had a lovely car. The car was to mostly darkly blue however it had also brownish-red parts. Therefore it was rather beautiful. There was however a problem. The car did not find warm weather good. There was also like that on this day was the weather nearly 60 degrees and Jordan wanted home to drive. They drove a few Milen and reached giant the Hill. Normal way was its brother Jonah along and could Jordan ideas give. On this day was Jordan completely alone. It was only it and a Truck also a bad man in it behind their car. The man was called Victor and Victors of favourite meal was animals. Animals, which still live. It was not a long time to of Jordan car dies. It was on cent ral Entrance in the proximity of Burger King and Blockbuster. Jordan had only 7 cents, therefore it could not buy a Whopper junior. Unfortunate way saw the whole situation to Victor. He knew of Jordan the car was broken and her a very poor girl was (she had acid washed Jeans and a t-Shirt, the Forty and loving life! announced). Victor drove its Truck beside Jordan beautiful Dodge Dynasty. It looked bad. Lucky way, had Jordan a mobile. First Jordan their co-inhabitant rufte on. But Tiffanys telephone was lost in their giant red hair. Therefore Tiffany could not along-speak. Then Jordan had another idea. Jordan looked in its car. She saw the 7 cents, a half Hula more dancer and to A Debbie Snack. First Jordan ate the Debbie Snack. The Wax and cocoa gave Jordan to energy. Then Jordan looked to the Hula more dancer. It gave Jordan a dance to spirit. Then is thrown Jordan the 7 cents from the windows. (no meaning)! A Pfennig in Victors nose landed and two in Victors neck. It was excellent. Then the father Jordan drove into its policeman car in the proximity. Their father, everything had Todd under control. Todd had also a terrible Schnurrbart (moustache). Victor was frightened and was away driven. Todd had also 2 dollars, therefore they bought many of Burger King and ate. At the end everything was beautiful.

posted by Jordan @ 3:04 em